


For Your Eyes Only

by xspike4evax



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xspike4evax/pseuds/xspike4evax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape reflects on his friendship and growing feelings for Lily, the only person he has ever let close to him; the only person who knows the real him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Your Eyes Only

**Author's Note:**

> For Your Eyes Only- Theme to the James Bond film

Severus Snape pushed his long, greasy hair back from his face as he trudged through the corridors of Hogwarts. His dark eyes were lowered to the floor as he walked to ensure that no-one stopped him. He didn’t wish to talk to anyone, there was no-one here at school who knew who he really was, what it really meant to be him. All except her. She knew; she’d always known.

_For your eyes only, can see me through the night._

_For your eyes only I never need to hide._

She was his first real friend, someone who had crept into his life like a silent dream that had suddenly come to life; full of warmth and bright colours. She had been the one to ease his loneliness, she had filled his mind with new thoughts, new ideas of a different life. She had seen though the mask of indifference he wore every day. She had pushed past the icy walls that he had erected around his heart and warmed him with her bubbling laugh and dancing eyes.

_You can see so much in me, so much in me that's new._

_I never felt until I looked at you._

Never before had Severus longed to become a part of something the way he longed to be a part of her life. He had watched her from a distance for so long, and as he grew so did his feelings. Feelings that he didn’t struggle to put a name to inspite of the fact he had never felt them before and had never seen them displayed before.

Most people knew about love and desire from childhood, although only ever fully realizing what they were when they grew older to feel them for themselves. Children could learn so much from their parents just by casually observing the way they react to each other. The gentle kiss of good morning or good night, the soft half smiles and the lingering glances; all small actions that showed the love and affection between two people.

He hadn’t had this luxury, and she knew it. She was the only one who really knew what kind of life he had to live, and she had been full of sympathy for him. Serverus had at first disliked the thought that she should feel sorry for him, it made him feel weak and useless; ashamed of his parents and the life he led.

Somehow she had seen this, she had seen the displeasure cross his features and the annoyance settle in his eyes. She had offered the hand of friendship, showing him that there could be someone in the world who was willing to be there, to offer support and comfort; that the sympathy she felt towards him was only because she cared.

_For your eyes only, only for you._

_You'll see what no-one else can see, and now I'm breaking free._

Her gentle nature, and kind hearted ways drew him out of himself. Severus had found himself sitting in the shade of the trees with her beside the river talking about his life. Feeling able to unburned himself to her. She had been the one and only person to see past the sneering face and the cold voice, she had been the one to see him cry for his lost youth and the lost love of his parents.

_For your eyes only, only for you._

_The love I know you need in me, the fantasy you've freed in me._

_Only for you, only for you._

Her sparkling green eyes full of warmth, her slender arms always ready to hold him close when he needed it, had filled him with a hope that was shining and new. She had given him the strength to grab hold of what he wanted in life, to push himself to do better. Severus had begun to feel as if he really could turn his life around.

“Life isn’t what you’re born with, Sev.” Lily Evans told him firmly. “Life is what you make it. You don’t have to end up the way your parents did. You can be anything and anyone you want to be.”

Hitting his seventh year at Hogwarts Severus Snape had found what he had wanted to do, he wanted power and control. Not just over his own life, but over those who had made him miserable at every turn. He, Severus Snape, wanted to be the one to give James Potter and Sirius Black exactly what they deserved. So, he had taken up Lucius Malfoy’s offer and joined the Death Eaters.

Now he was involved in an intimate circle of people, those who had whispered conversations in the darkened shadows and looked down on those of non- magical descent. People like her. People like Lily Evans.

Lucius Malfoy wasn’t like Lily Evans. His new found friends were not like Lily Evans, and Severus somehow felt lost again. Somehow he felt alone again. She didn’t approve of his new interests; Lily thought he was better than that. He had wanted her to sit up and take notice, to realize that he didn’t always have to be the victim; whether he was at home with his parents or here at Hogwarts with Potter and Black making fun of him and humiliating him every chance they got!

_For your eyes only, the nights are never cold._

_You really know me, that's all I need to know._

Lucius and the other Slytherin’s didn’t know the real Serverus Snape, only Lily really knew him. She had dragged the real him out into the daylight kicking and screaming. He hadn’t wanted to open up to her, he hadn’t wanted to rely on her so much; to need her this way, but proving to fight the zealous feelings that careened around his body when she was near was futile.

There was something about Lily that Severus loved and he wanted her to know everything about him. He wanted her to love him and was always honest with her. If nothing else she was his friend, his only friend and he valued her above all others.

_Maybe I'm an open book because I know you're mine._

_But you won't need to read between the lines._

_For your eyes only, only for you._

_You see what no-one else can see, and now I'm breaking free._

The last time he had seen her Lily had seen a side of him no-one else had ever seen. He had been grovelling, apologizing for what he had said to her. For the dirty, disgusting name he had called her out of pure anger and humiliation. Damn Potter to hell! It was all Potter’s fault! Potter was the one who had dangled him upside down like a piece of bait!

Severus sighed heavily as he reached the second floor of the school. How could he have called Lily a mud blood? He hadn’t meant it, he only thought good things about Lily; there wasn’t anything about her to dislike. Pausing at the window Severus looked down into the grounds of Hogwarts, he could see Lily standing in the court yard, the sun gleaming on her hair showed the golden highlights that rippled down her back.

_For your eyes only, only for you._

_The passions that collide in me, the wild abandoned side of me._

His heart ached as he stared down at her. It could have been so different between them if he had gathered his courage and admitted his love for her years ago. She was so beautiful, not just her pretty face; but her. Deep inside Lily was a good person, always willing to help, to be a friend and she had a lust for living that he lacked. She was the only person he knew with such qualities; mostly people only helped if there was something in it for them. But not Lily; she was the most genuine person he knew.

Just thinking about his love for her could cause hot tears to sting behind his eyes. Tears of sadness and despair of the situation he was in. Not only had she been drifting away from him since his involvement with the Death Eaters, but now he had totally ruined their friendship with his harsh comments and sarcastic tongue.

“Hey, Snape are you coming to the meeting in the Head’s room or not?” Lucius Malfoy was striding up the corridor towards him. He had arranged for all the Death Eaters to attend this particular room as the Head Boy was a Slytherin, to meet where they wouldn’t be interrupted.

Hastily Severus blinked back the burning tears that filled his eyes over Lily. It wouldn’t do for Lucius and the others to think him weak and pathetic. They only needed to see the icy, cold, manipulative side of him as others had.

Severus wouldn’t allow any other side of him to show in future, from here on in he was a closed book. Never again would he allow anyone to sift under his carefully constructed façade the way Lily had; the rejection hurt too much.

He had lost Lily and the dull throbbing ache inside him was too much to bare. Severus sighed heavily and flicked a stray lock of hair from his eyes. Squaring his shoulders he imagined strong, unbreakable shutters closing over his heart, turning him cold and unfeeling towards the rest of the world while his love secretly burned as fervent and passionate as ever.

Once more his black eyes, darkened with a furtive desire as he glanced out of the window and saw Lily turning back towards the school. She flicked her hair over her shoulder, her head suddenly thrown back as she laughed. Linking her arm with her friend Lily strolled out of his eye line, leaving Severus feeling empty and alone.

Sighing softly again he pulled his cloak more comfortably around his slim shoulders and moved slowly after Lucius Malfoy’s retreating figure. A small smile tugged at the corners of his thin lips as Serverus allowed himself to picture Lily once more in his mind’s eye…

_Only for you, for your eyes only._


End file.
